Outtakes One

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Ink Burns

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.

This is a work of fanfiction, produced according to the principles of transformative fair use as put forward in US copyright law, and abiding by the custom and practice of fan-produced work in Japan, where the source texts were created. No author is in any way affiliated with any of the creators of the source texts, nor with the companies who distribute their products, nor any other rights holder, and these stories were not authorized by either the creators or the producers. Ink Burns is a fan site and the material here is freely provided for the enjoyment of fellow fan-community members; there is no commercial infringement.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 US license at the Ink Burns fanfiction archive (http://alltrees.org/archive/).

Published on 2005-01-04 17:00:32.

Attributions can be made by author's name and a link to the archive.

This ebook edition was published on May 16, 2012 by the Ink Burns fanfiction archive.

Outtakes One

Author and Muse comments on the side, part one. Humor, I-1

Comments One or Team Sponsorship

C

Raphael: Michael, why are you supporting a junior high tennis team?

Michael: Setsuna suggested it.

Raphael: ...that shouldn't make as much sense as it does.

B

Setsuna-the-one-man-cheering-section: Yeah! Go Fudoumine! Waste those bastards!

Michael: *standing on the fence* Fuck you!

Sakaki: *hand over eyes*

Ryouma: I don't know any of these people. You?

Kamio: Not a single one.

Comments Two or Why Tezuka Sometimes Hates Us

L

Tezuka: I hate you all. [glares]

[pets the buchou] You could have just signed on with Michael, dear.

Tezuka: Don't I have enough problems to deal with? Momo would make one crack--you know he would--and the whole school would have gone up. Tachibana's better with that kind of thing.

B

Tachibana: *smug* Of course I am. You know, Tezuka, if you were just a little closer to your people I'm sure they would answer far more readily to your hand.

Tezuka: *level look* ...did you just suggest what I think you just suggested?

Tachibana: No, of course I didn't. *examines nails*

Tezuka: Leave me alone.

L

[falls out of her chair]

Tezuka, darling, we *can't* leave you alone. You're too much fun for that.

Besides, I'm sure that your team would happily shag you, if you wanted it that way.

Tezuka: ... [stalks off]

Seiichi: I think you hurt his feelings.

B

Nah, not his feelings, just his repression.

Tezuka: *glares*

What? You know any one of them would bend over for you. Even Echizen.

Tezuka: Do you mind?

Not in the least. *sweet smile*

L

Especially Echizen, if you ask me. Boy's got it bad for his buchou.

Tezuka: [hand over face] I'm not hearing this.

And the Fujis! I bet you could be the filling in a Fuji-sandwich!

Tezuka: Lalalalala I can't hear you!

And haven't you ever wondered whether Taka-san would go into burning mode in bed?

Tezuka: Please, God, kill me now.

B

Lucifer: Sorry, Setsuna and I offed him already. I suppose I could kill you, if you really want.

Tezuka: *hopeful* You would?

Lucifer: *leans on wall* Sure. Of course, you would owe me, then...

Tezuka: I'm doomed.

L

Seiichi: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Tezuka: You stay out of this. You have biases.

Seiichi: And you don't? Really, Tezuka. All of that repression can't be good for you.

Tezuka: [glare] What works for one team doesn't work for another.

B

Yeah. *sighs* Not everyone can rule through raw sex appeal.

Tezuka: *opens mouth, closes it* I'm... *glares*

Almost got ya. *grins*

L

Seiichi: [gently] Is it really so difficult to let go, Kunimitsu?

Tezuka: [eyebrows going up] I am not one of yours, Seiichi.

Seiichi: [sigh] More's the pity.

Coments Three or Debates on Who Wins What

L

Michael: Aw, come on, it's not like Rikkai hasn't won for the past how many years?

Tachibana: Besides which fact, you've got the team for eternity. One junior high championship isn't that big a deal, in the long term.

B

Belial: *grumbles*

Seiichi: *soothing* Now, now. We'll all play our best, and what happens happens. Playing the strongest is a good deal of satisfaction in itself.

Belial: *eyes* If you say so.

L

Tezuka: But--but--we're the protagonists!

Michael: ...

Tachibana: [with satisfaction] Not in this AU, you're not.

C

Ryouma: Come on, Buchou, it's not like I'm not going to get everyone to go to heaven and hell just so that we can keep playing tennis after we die.

Tezuka: ........

Eriol: I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

L

Tachibana: [smug] It's good to be me.

Tezuka: Fine, fine, you win.

Michael: Well, yeah, that's the point.

Tezuka: [considers taking up heavy drinking]

B

Sanada: *holds out sake bottle* Drink up. It doesn't really help, but it distracts you from the agony.

Belial: Agony? Excuse one? One is considerably more skillful than that.

Tezuka: *bottle half way to mouth* Sanada. Did he just say what I think he said?

Sanada: No. No, he didn't. Pass the bottle back this way, will you?

L

Tezuka: [passes the bottle back] So, your team and Mad Hatter?

Sanada: [healthy drink] ...

Tezuka: [worried] That's not... standard... is it?

Sanada: [passes the bottle back] How the hell should I know?

Tezuka: Fuck. [drinks]

B

*author pops up cheerfully* Oh, probably not, not unless you finally decide to take Ryouma up on what he is so obviously offering.

Tezuka: *dire glare* You can inflict demons and angels and even relatives on me, but you will never corrupt my captainly ethics!

Sanada: *quietly* You know, it really isn't a good idea to give them challenges like that.

L

Em-chibi: Gen-chan is absolutely right, you know. That sounded like a challenge to me. I'm sure Fuji could talk Yuuta into a buchou sandwich.

Tezuka: [pales]

Sanada: [taking an interest in spite of himself] I'd say he's more of an Echizen-type.

Em-chibi: You think?

Tezuka: [waving hands] Right. Here. I'm standing RIGHT HERE.

Sanada: Definitely. Or possibly Oishi. Buchou/Fukubuchou* has a lot to be said for it.

Tezuka: [strangles]

------

*Originally typed as "fuckubuchou" which indicates where my mind is.

C

Eriol: I'm perfectly willing to lock my cute relative in a room with anyone you ladies could suggest. Or everyone, depending on your preference.

Sanada: Do you, by any chance, know the Mad Hatter?

Eriol: Only by reputation, unfortunately. I've never met that charming personage.

Sanada: ...I'm going to go find another bottle.

L

Em-chibi: Then I say we lock Tezuka in with his team and let the pants chips fall where they may.

Tezuka: [has a heart attack]

Raphael: Oh, now that won't do at all. [resurrects Tezuka]

Tezuka: [whimpers] Why do you all hate me so?

Raphael: This isn't hate, this is entertainment.

Comments Four or Contributing to the Delinquency of Minors

B

Hisoka: *hand to head* So, did I hear that someone around here has booze?

L

Sanada: You want booze? We got booze.

Tezuka: Sake, scotch, vodka, whiskey, what's your pleasure?

Yukimura: I never would have figured you for a bartender, Tezuka.

Tezuka: Go away; you're not allowed in this club. [makes shooing motions]

Cam

By the time you're done, half the boys will be alcoholics. And then, their charges will have even more freedom to do as they please.

Tezuka: Perhaps we should cut back.

Sanada: Right after this one.

B

*pets Sanada* There, there, dear, take heart. You're about to get some.

Sanada: ...Tezuka, pass me the whole bottle.

Tezuka: *doubtful* Well, yes, but Cam has a point.

Sanada: Do you really think being sober would stop these three?

Tezuka: ...you have a point, too. *takes a healthy swig*

L

Hisoka: And when you're done, pass that bottle back down this way. [ruminates] Think anyone would miss that Mizuki fellow?

Tezuka: Shh. Fuji'll hear you.

Hisoka: Like that's going to stop me? [drinks]

B

Tezuka: *looks Hisoka up and down* Well, no, not really, but if you give him ideas he might beat you to it.

Hisoka: Oh.

Tezuka: *thoughtful, and swaying slightly* Or he might decide he likes Mizuki today, and try to do you in first. Is that lover of yours possessive or obssessive or anything troublesome like that?

Hisoka: *red* Tsuzuki is not my lover!

Sanada: Better not let the Authors know that. They'll have you in bed with him in a flash. They like to torture us, you know.

Hisoka: *morose* I figured that part out, yeah.

L

Sanada: Not that some of us are too good to be tossed into bed with our teammates, of course. [meaningful look at Tezuka]

Tezuka: [blinking] Are you trying to say something, Sanada?

Sanada: [expansive] Not at all. If I were trying, I'd say that you're a prig with a stick up his ass and that getting laid would do you a world of good. But then, I'm not trying to say anything.

Hisoka: [faintly alarmed] [relieves Tezuka and Sanada of their booze] Ummm, guys...?

B

Tezuka: *narrow glare* So. I take it you would hop right into bed with Echizen, if he just happened to be on your team instead of mine?

Sanada: Hell, for all I know, he's going to show up at the orgy.

Hisoka: *faintly* Orgy?

L

Tezuka: Orgy?!

Sanada: [shrug] These things happen. [thoughtful] I bet we could send Echizen an invitation...

Tezuka: [chokes]

Hisoka: Should he be turning that shade of blue?

Sanada: Probably not.